Recently I have been submerged in the world of social research as I complete my independent study as a part of my Masters degree. I love talking with people and above that I love the kind of listening that is necessary when conducting, transcribing, and discovering threads of truth in the words of the parents I am privileged enough to be interviewing.

What amazes me is the power of simplicity. Today a parent rocked the reliability (dang or is it the validity?) of my questionnaire. She said engagement is not about skills – not at all. It is about access. And to a very large degree she is right.

So what am I am to do now? Am I engaged with a study that will be a part of change or am I involved with reinforcing the status quo? Have I been confined within the powerful structure of academia to have carefully chosen my words, have them vetted by my peers, have them reviewed by my faculty advisor, and approved by an ethics board only to realize that the very process meant to protect the participants in this study has actually silenced, or at very least restricted the conversation with, said parents?

Thinking about this reminded me of a book by Frèire called “Cultural Action for Freedom.” (Follow link to an excerpt of the book to which I am referring.) In one small piece he talks about the need to question textbooks. He reminds us that although they are seen to be neutral they are not. They are based on hidden agendas of the power brokers who had them created. I think it  calls us to question further not only that but the description of the project as it was handed to the author, to the people who reviewed the material, to the kinds of questions laid out in the exercises that went along with the reader. There is no story in the primary reader that exists without the social and historical context within which it was created. And presenting it as being neutral is a dangerous thing to do.

I think I need to question my own actions and thoughts. What am I doing that is perhaps restricting or silencing somehow? How can I change what I am doing so I am a part of democratic communication and a part of transformation?

I have begun to wonder if this dream of formalizing community development into an institute is somehow missing the point. Have we overshot the mark? Have we become inert because what we are doing does not touch the lives of the people we so desperately want to connect to? Can we be a part of transformational change while wanting to play it safe?

Maybe I just need things to get a little messy. I’m in no way giving up. I’m just questioning whether we are, or whether I am, on the right bus.

What do you think?